So, I don’t have to do this anymore…

But I’m going to anyways.

2009…
A new year. New beginning, new opportunities, new goals, and a ton of other new stuff I’m not going to bother with listing because I think everyone has heard it like fifty million times already. It’s understood. (It’s also slightly ridiculous, but that could just be me that thinks that).
It’s kind of funny because the first day of the new year is just like every other day. It’s a new day, just like every other day was at some point. It’s just the tomorrow that everyone looks forward to because it is a, dare I say it, more drastic change. Really, you just have to remember to change the year when you date your papers. It is, quite honestly, just another new day. You have a life time of them. But this was so not the point I was trying to make… I forgot the point I was trying to make. Crap. Anyways…
Sure, things have already changed for me in the new year (whether it is a good change or a bad change will be found out later… I think some of the changes are good, and I know at least one was… kind of bad, but really interesting. It happens. Oops, rambling). But the things that have changed would have changed eventually anyways. They already started changing before the year did (I have a theory about that, actually…). Things change on a daily basis. Things change every day, every hour, every minute, even every second. It happens. Change is constant, and (this probably won’t make sense to anyone other than me) change is consistent. Consistently inconsistent? Maybe. I don’t know. But anyways… To put an end to the suffering of anyone who feels compelled to read this, happy new year. Be safe, be careful, embrace change, and realize that each day is a new day. : )

And yeah… I think that is pretty much it. A lot of words, but not a lot actually said. *sigh*

(In)Sanity?

Not the typical sort of thing people think about, I’m sure. But how can you tell whether or not a person is sane? There is a fine line between sanity and insanity, but how do you determine where that line is? People are so content (self righteous?) crossing lines, is this simply one more line people are going to cross? When something drastic happens, people always say that they would never do anything like that, but who can really tell? You never know how you will act in a situation until you are actually in that situation. Why do we take offense to people doing what they simply feel the need to do (in context of everyday life, of course)? If it is what someone needs to do, then let them do it. You can’t change people, you can only love them. Funny, that’s something that is lacking in the world now. People don’t love other people. People love what other people can do for them. Instead of relationships based on similarities and sincere liking and such, we now have relationships based on convenience. “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine,” seems to be a life motto or something now. And if someone expresses concern, their ostracized. What is the point of trying when it accomplishes nothing?

If you find the right words, you can unlock the world…
But who cares enough to try?

Life (or something like it)

Well, today has been a really long day. I had a test in physical science, and then wasted thirty minutes of my life making models of atoms. I hated doing that in earth science, and I hate it still now (how shocking). On the bright side, I have this really cool ring that has some weird design on it kind of. It’s interesting, though. Ultimately, life goes on. I think the school should offer philosophy classes. Yeah. I really like philosophy and psychology. One of my friends told me that they think I should take philosophy classes in college (I don’t see where that would get me in life, though. Eh, who cares? ). But I enjoy philosophy. I enjoy just thinking about things. I don’t know. Regardless, life goes on (and yes, that is pretty much my life philosophy).

The Wishing Well of Life

Caged in by the plain white walls,

      wanting to escape.

The cold metal of the exit doors

     seals my fate.

Conforming to routine life’s insanity…

Giving in to apathy…

Dreaming of another place…

Searching for a different rhyme…

Through it all, time will tell.

Each day is just a coin in a wishing well.

Still Searching for a Silver Lining

Well… the economy is pretty much crashing, which is making life rather difficult if you aren’t very well off financially. So I’m pretty much screwed for a while, considering I don’t really have any money. I’m going to try to get a job in town because I can just walk to work, then. My family needs money pretty badly, so something apparently needs to be done. Money has just had me really worried lately. And gas prices/supply. Brandy, Mrs. Robards, and I were talking about it earlier. It doesn’t look too good. Things aren’t going to be all good and lovely again soon, unfortunately, and that has me worried about going to college. With the way things are right now, I probably won’t be able to get a loan, and my parents aren’t able to pay for me to go to college, so unless I get a scholarship, I probably won’t be able to go to college (at least not immediately). So that’s also on my list of worries now. And there’s the matter of being able to buy groceries and such (which kind of goes back to money). If people don’t have money, then they can’t buy food, and if they can’t buy food, then they can’t it, which leads to starving. And nothing will be done until it gets bad enough for it to affect someone in power. And, so, yeah…

Oh, and I am currently trying to find a prom dress or something similar from a thrift store or something for one of the plays in theatre. I’m not sure if that is good or bad. Oh, I also have to find a suit for the other play. The dress has me a little more worried than the suit does, though. I don’t ever wear dresses, and I don’t really own any dresses (considering I don’t wear them…), so… yeah. It should be interesting. Brandy was joking about it and was like “She’s afraid for people to find out she’s actually a female,” because she disagrees with how I usually dress (apparently, she has problems with the band shirts all the time, and jeans and a t-shirt. I don’t dress feminine enough for her to be happy). I don’t particularly care, though.

Oh, I’m also not able to go to the concert that I was looking forward to. It was actually on Wednesday, but my family couldn’t afford to give me a ride to Charlotte for the concert, so… yeah. It was pretty sucky, in my opinion. I guess it was better that I didn’t go, though, because I would miss another day of school, and glen ended up needing to go to the emergency room that night, anyways. So yeah. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope I get to see the bands some other time, though. Ack.

My family has also been giving me hell about how I apparently need to start eating meat again. “You need more protein,” blah, blah, blah. It’s beyond irritating. My parents tried to trick me into eating meatloaf last night. I do eat chicken, but that’s it. I haven’t eaten meat (other than chicken) since my freshman year, and if I start eating meat again now, it will probably make me sick, which isn’t something I want to have happen since I’m sick enough as it is. Eh. Life goes on.

And now I have “While Your Lips Are Still Red” by Nightwish stuck in my head. Along with several other songs. Oh well.

Thoughts On Writing

Well, I really like the Stephen King quote:

“You can approach the act of writing with nervousness, excitement, hopefulness, or even despair–the sense that you can never completely put on the page what’s in your mind and heart. You can come to the act with your fists clenched and your eyes narrowed, ready to kick butt and take down names. You can come to it because you want a girl or boy to marry you or because you want to change the world. Come to it any way but lightly. Let me say it again: you must not come lightly to the blank page.”  –Stephen King, from his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

I think it makes a lot of sense, especially the part about approaching the act of writing with despair because you can never put your thoughts and feelings on paper to where it makes sense and sounds right. Nothing ever sounds quite like it does in your head, which kind of sucks. All of the quotes are really true, though. A journal is a way to tell a story, the story of your own life.

It’s not so much that I don’t enjoy writing, but I’m not particularly fond of other people reading what I write. Although, I don’t enjoy writing essays for school or things like that. It makes me self conscious for other people to read what I write. Not that that means very much, but still… I have always thought that journals are more personal, not really to be shared.

Last year in English II, we had to write a one page essay on our thoughts about writing. My first sentence was, “I hate writing.” How lovely, right? My opinion has changed since then, but it still isn’t really one of my favorite things ever. Writing is a form of expression, though, and can be incredibly effective for getting your opinions across. I have a notebook full of various little things I have written that only a few people have read (and mainly, they have read them because various people seem to enjoy going through my stuff completely at random, but that’s kind of irrelevant). I have sometimes put things that I have written on, like, MySpace or at the end of blogs (or maybe as the title…?), but I don’t credit them to me. It’s whatever.

So, I guess, writing is okay, as long as it isn’t really being shared with other people. Or, at least, if it isn’t too terribly personal. It’s just somewhat difficult sometimes to write and get your thoughts out clearly and have the meaning easily understood. Yup.

Random. Yes.

Okay, so, I have this really creepy rooster. I’m not even sure why we have the rooster, but we do. Regardless, it is incredibly creepy. It stares at you, and that is the strangest stare you could ever get from a bird (especially one without a brain, like the rooster). It sits on the washer outside of the bathroom window and looks in on you, which is freaky. The cats don’t even do that. Granted, the cats are allowed to come into the house, and the rooster isn’t, not that he doesn’t try. You have to make sure all of the doors are shut, or else the rooster will come creeping around the corner and sneak into the house. And then Frankie will have to try to chase the rooster out, making a ton of horrible noises. It’s kind of funny, though. Suggs and I make fun of him a lot when it happens. Eh. It’s whatever.

 

“When all is said and done, where are you going to run? As you look down at your shaking hands and realize you’re the one with the gun.”

Little, cottonball looking clouds

Okay, so during lunch today, Brandy and I were sitting outside talking, and out of nowhere Brandy started staring up at the sky. Naturally, I looked too. Well, instead of there being the typically big, fluffy clouds, there was a bunch of little clouds that looked kind of like cotton balls. It was very interesting. We just kept staring… and staring… and staring. They had a very strange looking texture, not like the typically smooth looking clouds, but very… odd. I don’t know. It was strange. It was still awesome, though.

In other news, I’m going to try really hard to get some concert tickets. I’m not sure how I will manage it, though, because the concert is on a Wednesday and in Charlotte. Granted, last year my parents took me to Ozzfest in Charlotte, and that was on a Tuesday or Wednesday, but they took off work because they really wanted to go, too. They don’t really listen to the band that I want to go to the other concert. Oh well.